According to Wikipedia,

A thought leader is a futurist or person who is recognized for innovative ideas and demonstrates the confidence to promote or share those ideas as actionable distilled insights.

The panel was in agreement that in order to be a thought leader, it’s not enough to be creative and innovative. One must also have the ability and confidence to promote their ideas.

Part of the discussion addressed how women are not really good at speaking up and promoting their ideas; how we often take the back seat to men in the workplace. What is the best way to communicate your ideas so that others will be inspired and motivated to support you?

I don’t know why it always surprises me that the majority of these discussions about women and leadership end up focusing on women and self promotion and self confidence. I was sitting in the audience nodding my head. Self confidence and self promotion are necessary ingredients for women’s leadership and career success. I can’t stress it enough. And though my readers are probably tired of reading this, you can have the best ideas and the best business concept, and if you don’t have the confidence to promote your ideas and the skill to communicate effectively, you will not become the thought leader you desire to be. Thought leadership requires both components; the thought and leadership skills. Leadership implies that you have the ability to get your message across to others to both inspire and motivate action on their part.

Of course, the discussion last week also touched on the “double bind” concept that as women we need to be mindful of the way we promote ourselves; men can get away with outright bragging and we can’t. The double bind is widely accepted as part of our current culture. Women need to recognize that there is an art to creating the credibility and visibility you need to be a thought leader without sabotaging your efforts.

First, clarify your thoughts and ideas.

Second, create a compelling and passionate message.

Third, be strategic. Identify the web of influence in your internal and external networks who need to hear your message.

Fourth, develop a communication/action plan to consistently be visible to these stakeholders to communicate your message.

Fifth, follow the action plan and modify as necessary.

Use the energy and passion you have for your ideas to propel you into action. Once you are motivated to action, as a thought leader you need to communicate your message to inspire and motivate others to action.

Can this cautious outlook sometimes work against us? It is possible, in my opinion, to be so cautious that you never move forward in your business or career. Being overly cautious can paralyze you.

Almost every major milestone in my own career has been due to me taking an enormous leap of faith and trying something new; something perhaps I was not totally prepared for but decided to embrace regardless. When a door opened, I ran through it and never worried how I would master what was required to be successful in this new opportunity. I’m not saying that every time I took a risk, it worked out well. There have been times that I have fallen flat on my face. When this happens, it’s important to dust yourself off, gather your wits about you, and start all over again. In other words, never let your failures prevent you from learning a lesson, picking yourself up, and seizing the next opportunity that comes along with the same passion and energy.

What is the essential ingredient we all need to have in order to take a risk? Self confidence! Self confidence fuels your persistence and determination and helps propel you through any open door. In fact, with enough self confidence, you won’t even wait until a door of opportunity opens for you, you’ll go find it! This is not to say, that you should throw all caution to the wind, however. But with enough self confidence, you will trust your decisions and not second guess yourself to the point that you won’t take any risks.

It’s critical for your success, whether you are an entrepreneur or corporate professional, to periodically connect with your value and talent to establish and grow your foundation of self confidence. This, in my opinion, is the secret to success.

We need to periodically connect with our value and talent because we often take our accomplishments for granted. We lose that connection to what is unique and wonderful about us. Do whatever it takes to honor your accomplishments and ability. One suggestion I make repeatedly is to keep a success journal and record all your accomplishments and review your entries each week, celebrate your achievements, and think about what these successes say about you. This will fuel your self confidence and your ability to take on new opportunities, which, in turn, will lead to career and business success.

Self confidence is the secret of success.

The post poses some direct questions to the reader about whether or not your role has changed significantly in the past six months and whether you have been given new responsibilities with no formal promotion or pay raise. Ashkenas reminds us that the practice of assigning more responsibility without changes in job title or description has become more common lately due to the reorganization and downsizing of companies.

I suppose that any of us who have survived downsizing feel very fortunate to still have a job. In this situation, we are more likely to take on more responsibility without a promotion because we not only feel lucky to have a job, but also somewhat vulnerable and sensitive to the instability of the company and the economy. We want to keep our jobs.

That being said, we also need to realize the value that we bring to our company and not let the fact that we have taken on more responsibility go unnoticed.

Ashkenas has some great advice:

…don’t wait for your boss or someone else to recognize that you’ve been invisibly promoted. Revise your job description or create some bullet points about what the job now entails. Have an honest discussion with your immediate supervisor about what it will take to achieve these expanded responsibilities, how you will develop the skills needed, what you may need to do differently, and what he or she can do to help.

I think that Ashkenas’s article has a special message for professional women. In my opinion and from my own business and coaching experience, I have witnessed that many women have difficulty standing up for what they want and need. Women are more likely to take on extra work without requesting a visible promotion or salary increase. In fact, I would go so far as to say that women are more likely to take on the responsibilities and wait to be noticed and recognized without taking the credit or taking the initiative to have a conversation and negotiate a better title and compensation.

One of the most significant mistakes that professional women make is believing that if they work hard and do a good job, someone will recognize and reward them.

Talent and experience are not enough. Hard work is not enough. We must learn to speak up for ourselves and communicate to others our value and accomplishments in order to advance our careers.

Ashkenas states:

..make your invisible promotion visible both to you and to your boss. It will give you the recognition you deserve and the support you need to make sure that you don’t unintentionally become a victim of the Peter Principle.

I might add to this: Don’t be the victim of  the assumption that if you remain invisible others will recognize and reward you.

After a 20 year career in  corporate America, I left about six years ago to start my coaching business and I’ve never looked back. Sure, there have been challenges; plenty of challenges. I would be dishonest if I said running my own business is a piece of cake. It’s not. It can be stressful and even scary at times. Why? Because YOU are the business and though you can occasionally take time off (as difficult as that is for me personally), at the end of the day, it’s YOU who makes all the decisions and charts the course for the direction of your business.

In the beginning, I would stress over every decision. It seemed to me at the time that every decision was a monumental one. What should I name my company? What should my website look like and say? What is my niche? I have to say now I make my decisions quickly and they are often based on my intuition. Sometimes I make good decisions; some aren’t so great, but I’ve come to realize that this is all part of the evolutionary process of becoming an entrepreneur. I celebrate the fact that I have the ability to make these decisions and chart my own course; to make some mistakes and hopefully learn from them and move forward. That’s what is means to be independent after all.

That being said, I think it is possible to be independent to a fault as an entrepreneur. You can’t build and run a successful business in a vacuum. It’s important to surround yourself with a network of supporters and mentors that you can tap into for advice.

I read recently that every business owner should have an advisory board for their business; a group of like-minded business people who can act as a sounding board when you need it. This advisory board can be a formal group or an informal relationship with colleagues who have the experience and expertise to help guide you.

Who should be on your advisory board? For my coaching business, I look for advice and support in finance, marketing, technology and design and often use a coach myself to keep me on track and move my business forward.

So, it is Independence Day and I am celebrating my independence! Being an entrepreneur is an amazing experience to me. Because I am following my passion to help other professional women be successful, it never feels like work. I love it and every day is a celebration of my independence. That being said, I think as an entrepreneur, it is possible to be too independent and we need to seek out the advice and expertise of others to help us grow. In the end, this gives us the ability to maintain our independence and flourish.

Happy Independence Day!

We called ourselves “The Dynasty” which gives you a clue as to how impressed we were with ourselves at the time! We were bright, attractive, and full of fun. We all had an amazing zest for life!

Years have passed since our graduation from Connecticut College and through the years, this group of friends has continued to share many milestones together; marriage, children, divorce, death, and career challenges and successes. We always take the time from our busy lives to stay connected and make a point to set aside quality time each year to meet for a few days. These reunions are always filled with laughter and tears, and always the warmth of love and friendship. There is such a special feeling when you re-unite with old friends. No need for formalities. We get right into it and return immediately to where we were as college students and bask in the glow of love and respect for each other, and the safety in knowing each other so well.

This past week, we lost one of our friends to cancer; the second one from our group. When someone passes at a young age, of course, there is an overwhelming sense of sadness.This past week since we all received the news of Judy’s passing, we have once again pulled together to support each other and share memories; memories about the good times as well as the tough times, laughter, tears, and gratitude for the time we spent with Judy and each other over the years.

So this post is a tribute on many levels. First and foremost, it is a tribute to my friend Judy, who valiantly battled her disease until the end, who gave us all so much joy through the years with her sharp wit and wisdom. It’s also a tribute to “the dynasty” and how our friendship and commitment to each other have endured; how we have continued to support each other through all of life’s challenges. It’s also a tribute to the strength of women everywhere and their innate ability to form and build lasting relationships. It is this innate ability to build strong relationships that will take us forward into leadership positions that will change the world.

In an article written by Clay Shirky, a professor at NYU, titled “A Rant About Women”, he says

“To put yourself forward as someone good enough to do interesting things is, by definition, to expose yourself to all kinds of negative judgments, and as far as I can tell, the fact that other people get to decide what they think of your behavior leaves only two strategies for not suffering from those judgments: not doing anything, or not caring about the reaction”.

He points out in the article that women are more apt to do nothing and less apt than men to take risks and take advantage of important opportunities that may present themselves because they fear failure. He feels women are more concerned with what other people may think of them than what they want to achieve.

This type of behavior definitely has a negative impact for women when it comes to advancing their careers. If we are fearful of taking risks and taking advantage of new opportunities, we will not progress.

Why don’t we raise our hands more? It boils down to fear of failure, fear of what other people will think of us,  lack of self-confidence, and most importantly, our belief that self-promoting behavior is not appropriate or acceptable.

Further in the article Clay writes:

“Another of my great students, now a peer and friend, saw a request from a magazine reporter doing a tech story and looking for examples. My friend, who’d previously been too quiet about her work, decided to write the reporter and say “My work is awesome. You should write about it.”

The reporter looked at her work and wrote back saying, “Your work is indeed awesome, and I will write about it. I also have to tell you you are the only woman who suggested her own work. Men do that all the time, but women wait for someone else to recommend them.”

When I look back at my own career, I can see that every major turning point involved me stepping up and raising my hand in some way. Yes, I will take the job to run a cardiac rehab center even though I have no business experience.  Yes, I will move to Chicago from the east coast to run a company when I have never been a CEO before. Yes, I will leave corporate America to start my own business because I believe in my ability to be successful. And most recently, I said “yes” to VoiceAmerica when they called to ask me to become a radio host. I had no experience, but my belief in myself and my willingness to fail  (in a very public way I might add) were major factors.

This is why I now focus my efforts on helping women promote themselves; because quite simple, we don’t raise our hands enough. Yes, there are many possible reasons why we are not better at self-advancement, but the consequences of not doing this well have a huge impact on the progress of women in business.

It turns out that the earliest form of this idiom was first recorded in 1581, and the description is to “be upset or irritated, especially when displaced by someone”. Your “nose is out of joint” when the look on your face and the way you act shows other people that you are upset. Although a nose cannot actually be “out of joint”, a person who is upset may have a strange look on their face until they recover.

So that leads me to another question. How do you react when you are upset with something that someone did or said to you? Does your nose get “out of joint” or are you able to clearly communicate verbally why you are upset?

I think we tend to suffer in silence. When someone says something to us that upsets us, we internalize it and don’t verbally respond, at least not right away.  Later when another person asks us why we are upset, we might share what happened and how the particular incident affected us. If we follow this course of action, however, we miss the opportunity to give feedback to the person who caused us pain or irritation. Often they hear it from a third party and you know how that goes. Just like the old game of telephone, the communication gets mixed up and muddled.

This leads me to another question. Why don’t we give immediate direct feedback about how we feel to the person who upsets us? Why do we rely on body language to convey our message when it can be so easily misinterpreted or even overlooked?

I can offer some theories:

• We are fearful of the reaction of the other party.
• We lack the confidence to express our feelings directly.
• We don’t understand how assertive communication can benefit a relationship.
• It’s much easier to be passive aggressive and tell everyone else how upset we are than confront the other person directly.
• A combination of all of the above

What about you? How do you react when someone upsets you? Do you communicate directly to the other person how you feel or do you get your “nose out of joint”, make a little grimace and move on?

If you don’t assert yourself and communicate directly, you miss an opportunity to build or strengthen a personal or professional relationship.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Sometimes we get stuck because we become so comfortable where we are that we are fearful of taking any risks that might bring about change. So we stay in a job that has no potential or a job that we hate because in our minds, the choice is between the job that we have become so accustomed to and the unknown. We are frightened of the change. Needless to say, whatever the reason is that we don’t make a change, it is important to realize the consequences of being “stuck”. After all, being “stuck”, quite simply means going “nowhere”.

As an entrepreneur or small business owner, it is critical to not only be flexible, but willing to take some risks and embrace change. Any company that is fearful of change will eventually miss the boat. We all need to keep the pace of the many changes in the business world today. Think about this; if you did not embrace technology or the internet, where would your business be right now? What about social media?

I often laugh when I think about the phrase “business as usual”. In today’s marketplace, does that have any meaning at all? Changes happen so rapidly and the need to adapt and be flexible so critical, that the way we did business just last week, can be obsolete!

In my own business, I am constantly making changes to my business model and tweaking my approach, yet I still find that I get very comfortable with some aspects of my business. Consequently, it becomes more of a challenge for me to let go of certain business practices as my business gets more sophisticated. It seems that there are so many choices relative to how to move forward that it’s daunting. It’s much easier to procrastinate or vegetate instead. (By the way, when this happens, it is a good time to hire a business coach!)

Take a good look at your own business and evaluate your flexibility and willingness to change. Have you resisted any changes to your business recently? Are the reasons for your resistance valid or are you stuck because of your comfort level and fear of taking any risks?

Remember that being “stuck” means “going nowhere”.

The fact of the matter is that even if we do need the product or service that’s being promoted, we are so turned off by their  approach, that we can’t wait to escape from the conversation. We say, “I’m just looking, thank you” and hope to be left alone or we hang up. Quite simply, we don’t like being told what we need and what we should purchase. Most of us like to make our own buying decisions.

With that in mind, it is important for anyone who is promoting their own product or service to be aware of how they themselves feel when they are being sold to. Very often, we are so focused on selling the product or service we provide, that we don’t take the time to tailor our message to the potential buyer. We don’t take the time to ask the right questions to see if, in fact, this person needs what we have to sell. If we use one generic approach for all potential buyers, we will not make the necessary connection with the person to close the sale.

Asking questions is, of course, a great way to ascertain if there is a need for what we are selling. Open ended questions such as, “how?”, “when?”, “where?”, “what?”, “how much?” elicit the information we need. The process of asking questions, listening, and responding, creates the foundation for  a relationship and it is the relationship that is critical in the end to closing the sale. When a stranger tries to force us to buy something, we get agitated, defensive, and immediately put up a protective wall.

So maybe you’re not a car salesman. Maybe you’re an entrepreneur who must promote their services in order to grow their business. How does this apply to self-promotion? Do the same sales techniques apply when you are promoting yourself? Absolutely! When you are in a conversation and someone asks you what you do, you are certainly in the position to talk about your business and the benefits and value it provides for your clients. But how do you know if this person is a potential client unless you begin to ask them questions to get to know them better?

Remember how you feel when someone tries to sell to you. How do you feel when someone gives you a generic one-size –fits- all pitch? Ask questions that will help you get to know the person better. Ask questions to determine their need; their pain. Then deliver your own irresistible pitch so that they understand very clearly what you do and the energy and passion you have for your business. It may be that this person is not a potential client, but by establishing a relationship, you are setting the stage for referrals or even a future sale.

I have to admit I was very anxious about this. If I do indeed take Sunday off, what will my Monday be like? Won’t I be even more stressed than if I worked the whole week?

I had to make a plan. I knew that if I stayed around the house, I would be compelled to look at my computer and blackberry and do some work. I know myself all too well. So I planned a trip with a friend to go to Provincetown for the day. It was a beautiful day and a perfect time for an outing on Cape Cod. We took the ferry from Martha’s Vineyard and drove the length of the Cape, listened to great music, ate a fabulous lunch at an outdoor café, and shared some small talk.

My next challenge was to not discuss business all day. I didn’t do too well in this category, but this “taking a break” thing is a process for me, and at least I was off to a fairly good start. After all, I physically removed myself from my office and work environment. (I do think I might have cheated though when I came home that night and did a little work before heading to bed. Don’t tell my coach!)

Monday morning I felt refreshed and energized and not at all stressed. It was a good experiment for me and a great lesson as well.

Sometimes our drive to be successful drives us to work compulsively. Can you relate to this?  Intellectually, I’m sure we all recognize this is not healthy.  I know that I certainly do, yet pulling myself away from work once a week to do something entirely different makes me anxious; a clear sign to me that this is unhealthy behavior.

I am mindful that at least once a day I need to leave my desk and my office and do something unrelated to work. I am mindful that once a week I should take twelve hours of respite to renew my energy, spirit and passion for my work. What I have discovered is that when I step away from work my creativity kicks in and I can actually think more clearly.

Case in point, for weeks on end I was trying to think of a new name for my radio show. Women Mean Business is trademarked by NAWBO and though I was unaware of this when the show launched, I did receive notice from them to stop using the name. I loved the name and racked my brain trying to think of something equally sticky and clever. I even ran a contest on LinkedIn to get more ideas. Trying to get a new name was on my mind night and day. Here’s the lesson though. As soon as I let it go and stepped away from the problem, a solution came to me.  Miraculously out of the blue, the new name, Head over Heels, popped into my brain. WOW! I could not believe it. This process of “letting go” really worked.

If I can pass along any wisdom about this it is to be mindful yourself of how your drive to be successful can work against you at times if you don’t take a break and let go. Not only is it not healthy, but the consistent compulsive need to work actually stifles your creativity and is counter productive.

This is a process that I’m just beginning myself.

Well, need to get back to work. :>)