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Feb
28

Work for a Jerk?

Posted by: Tina Kashlak Nicolai | Comments (3)

At one point or another, we have all worked for a jerk. Trending analysis, client feedback and underground communication clearly indicate that mismanaged employees and boundary violations are on the rise.  Managing through tough times and poor leaders is often time more difficult than the work itself.  Poor leadership can range from an immediate supervisor to poor HR leadership.  Noone is exempt. 

 Taking charge of your career and disengaging from negative forces, including a jerk of a boss is within your reach.  As a Career Strategist with an organic and practiced track record of problem solving, I am focusing this weeks blog on the employee relations aspect of managing poor leadership, self preservation and maintaining your sanity.

 5 Strategies to Activate NOW

 #1  Document…Document…Document

 Venting is short lived whereas documenting is soothing, has long range positive effects and will set you up for a chronicle of events if you need to take legal action..  Hand write your discontent in a strategy journal.  This is a journal specifically dedicated to you, your work, your accomplishments and your discontent.  Keep it is a safe place and use it daily.  Date, time stamp and openly journal details of what is occurring.  Always be sure to credit yourself for one  or two accomplishments per writing.  When leadership is lacking, you need to start truly leading yourself.  This means crediting your daily accomplishments and cheering for yourself! 

 #2  Keep the Personal Out of Professional

 Remind yourself that you accepted your position to offer professional skills in lieu of pay.  That is it!  Nothing more!  While it is a bonus if you make a friend or two in the workplace, your primary focus must be on your skills and honing them.   If you have a jerk as a boss or a leader who leads you to feel uncomfortable, steer clear.  You are under no obligation to take part.  If you think you can out maneuver the person…perhaps you can but you will be far better served if you develop a strategy focusing on your accomplishments and becoming successful than trying to “play the game”.

 #3  Remove Fear from your Vocabulary

 There is a reason the famous quote “there is nothing to fear but fear itself” has stood the test of time.  Use it.  Get out from behind your fears and exercise your courage.  This does not mean randomly acting out, but rather, put a plan in place on making your move to either sustain the existing workplace dysfunction OR exit the company.  Planning your work and working your plan is powerful.   Have dedicated hobbies outside of work.  This will give you something positive and productive to look forward to and feed your focus on you.

 #4 Stop living above your means NOW

 If you cannot quit your job due to financial restraints, start cutting back on your luxury spending and live beneath your means.  Start paying yourself first by banking as much as you can.  Make a game out of stashing away extra money.  You will gain power over yourself which will bring a heightened sense of confidence into the workplace.  Your boss may be curious about seeing a change in your however, never needs to know why the change.  Remember Rule #2???  Keep personal to yourself.

 #5  Take Action.

 If you have been spoken to inappropriately, asked to divulge personal information, felt emotionally violated to the point of crying or coerced to conform in what may be perceived as a borderline “touchy feely, cultish” environment, stand your ground and exercise your voice.  The EEOC is always available to file charges especially if on the job allegations are not being dealt with.  Environmental harassment is NEVER ok.   Once you speak up, you are protected by the law from any further wrongdoing.  Get Moving!

 For more information:  www.eeoc.gov.

Feb
22

Women Leadership and Mad Men

Posted by: Sylvia Lafair | Comments (0)

Some revolutions are bloody, and some are flash-in-the-pan moments.

The women’s movement began quietly with a book “The Feminine Mystique”, moved to bra burning, and gained traction with consciousness raising groups.

All of that seems like it was centuries ago.

We now head large organizations, are in key positions in government, and have a say in just about everything. Yet some of the pleaser and martyr behavior patterns that were handed from generation to generation are still dying a slow death.

Just watch “Mad Men” and remember how it was. You worked if you typed and delivered. No not ideas – merely the coffee to the men. While much has changed, there is more work to be done.

This is a year of both celebrating change and dialoguing about what still needs to change. CELEBRATION: in the next few months women will cross the threshold and become the majority workers in America. CELEBRATION: women professionals are in the majority in this country. CELEBRATION: women have become economically powerful in their own right.

What is the next phase of the revolution toward equality, and even beyond that, toward partnership?

Perhaps we need to regroup and create consciousness-raising groups that mirror the 60’s. Maybe this time it needs to include both men and women. While we need to celebrate the successes, we really need to ask the hard questions that remain unanswered for ourselves, our children, and even our grandchildren.

My daughters are grown, and I am now watching the dilemmas and concerns about what it means to raise children in a world that is going at warp-speed. What does it mean to run a business, run a household, and still have time for the kids?

I believe the dialogues of today are around the unfinished business of the past. The issues are around motherhood, and fatherhood. The issues at the deepest level are about the children. If we have them, then who raises them?  What kind of support is needed to bring out the best in the next generation?

This is where the pleaser and martyr patterns of the past, so deep in the neuropsychology of most women, kick in. Women still appear to be the ones who make the plans for the youngsters, take off the time if they are sick, and worry about grades, friends and drugs. Sure, dads are included, yet it still seems that mothers are carrying the heaviest part of the load. That has not really changed.

I am not suggesting we demand that our men vacuum and make the oatmeal. That discussion belongs to each couple to sort out. I am thinking way bigger than that. I am wondering if we can look at the countries that have offered families more help, looking especially at Norway and Sweden.

What do we need to do to change, so the next generations grow to be the best they can be? When do we as women take the pleaser and martyr parts of our personalities and transform them into their positive opposites – the truth teller and the integrator? What are the questions that need to be asked to sort out the dilemma of what we can do, what our businesses can do, and what government can do?

I’d love to hear from you with ideas about creating life-enhancing programs that can deter so many of the social problems connected with the new world of work we have helped create, and the burdens of parenting at every level of our society.

Let’s start a 21st Century rendition of consciousness-raising, and keep the revolution for healthy and balanced evolution at the forefront of our lives.

It seems that someone is always keeping score.

  • Conversations about projects focus on outcomes, deliverables, and take-aways.
  • We’re asked “can you beat yesterday’s numbers? Or last week’s time? Or last year’s results?”
  • Incentive programs encourage us to do more, go faster, be better.

We say we’re tracking progress but we are really constantly measuring results.

Professionally and personally we’ve always got our eye on the size of the prize.

The need to measure the outcome can obscure a crucial element of performance — the importance of knowing the starting point.

No matter what the endeavor no two of us experience things in precisely the same way.

  • Two new hires at a major corporation assigned to share the same office will experience their first 90 days on the job very differently.
  • Each of three staff members assigned to the same assistant will feel they are getting a different level of support from that very same person.
  • The top performers on a sales team may consist of the same small group of people each year but their relative rank will vary over time.

If you are thinking that any number of factors can contribute to these differences you are completely right.

Are things weighing on you? Was it a really rough weekend? Do you have a sick child at home? Has the elderly parent you care for just gone into the hospital?

Or perhaps you’re really on a roll. Did you just close the biggest sale you’ve ever closed? Is a new member on your team really making a great contribution?

Both internal and external factors matter. Which is why making a regular practice of incorporating knowledge about the start brings such power. The more you know the more you can adjust and the more you can potentially control.

So what do you need to know and how hard is it to find out?

Happily, you can get the information you need to really impact both your experience and results with a simple check-in.

Ask yourself “how are you?” as you plan what is coming up. See what strikes you first when you think about how things are going.

You can make this inquiry as big or as small as you want to depending on your priorities at any given time. Adjust your focus according to the task in question.

You can dramatically change the course of the upcoming day at work by checking-in with yourself during your commute. Do you feel great or really bad? Should you expect your best effort or something rather less? Are you showing up in peak form ready to have a record day? Or is that an unreasonable expectation.

Five minutes reflecting on “how are you?” brings the answer to these questions and allows you to choose your responses and expectations accordingly.

The same reflection benefits the team leader trying to keep a major project on time and on budget. More resources, different personnel and/or creative strategies may be the best choice at any given point. A check-in about the starting point — “how are things going” – provides information crucial to deciding what is needed. This information can come as easily from a short, solitary reflection about the project undertaken in a quiet moment as from an off-site, full day, full team progress meeting.

Make it a practice to conduct this check-in regularly and consistently. The more you do it the easier it will become.

Every task, every journey, every progression has both a beginning and an end. Inform yourself about your starting point and harness that knowledge for a better trip.

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Part of leadership, especially women, is to be a voice for separating the wheat from the chaff. It is time for all of us as women leaders to put a halt to the binding messages we are bombarded with about image. No, I don’t mean we should all state that overweight is better, I mean we need to begin to question what is being fed to us (sorry for the pun) about what is the standard for the acceptable and attractive woman. It is a legacy issue that if addressed now will have a vast impact on our daughters (and they are all our daughters regardless of who birthed them) of the future.

Nancy Pennebaker, a senior consultant with our organization, Creative Energy Options, Inc. (CEO) sent this to me for both the humor and the depth of the message. Our company motto, “we are all connected and no one wins unless we all do”, is embedded in the following short article. It shows that this issue of image is one that is a world issue.

Notice that the sign in the window of an exercise studio and the answer are from France, where the image of gorgeous models in clothes by Yves St. Laurent, Chanel et a.l became the standard of beauty.

This is a time for us to say what really matters and stand for changes, so that the future is not trapped in the girdles of the past.

Recently, in a large city in  France,
a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.
It said,

“This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”

A middle-aged woman,
whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster,
responded publicly to the question
posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.)
They have an active sex life,
get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins, stuffing themselves with shrimp.
They play and swim in the seas,
seeing wonderful places like  Patagonia ,
the   Bering Sea
and the coral reefs of  Polynesia  .
Whales are wonderful singers
and have even recorded CDs. 
They are incredible creatures
and virtually have no predators,
other than humans.
They are loved, protected and admired
by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don’t exist.
If they did exist,
they would be lining up outside the offices
of Argentinean psychoanalysts
due to identity crisis. Fish or human?
They don’t have a sex life
because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex?
Just look at them … where is IT?
Therefore, they don’t have kids either.
Not to mention,
who wants to get close to a girl who smells
like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me:
I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age
when media puts into our heads
the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends.
With time, we gain weight
because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads
that when there is no more room,
it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren’t heavy,
we are enormously cultured,
educated and happy.
Beginning today,
when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, ‘Good gosh, look how smart I am!”

 

Social media is all the rage and certainly a powerful medium at that!   Linkedin.com career profile marketing is the cornerstone for gaining immediate visibility worldwide.  Fantastic!  Each day, the numbers increase with new users, broadened network connections, and information to easily boost your knowledge base.

Perhaps one of the most frequently discussed topics pertains to writing linkedin.com recommendations.  How to use them? How to write them? What to say? Can this be used as a reference? And so on. 

While much has been blogged on these questions, there has not been much discussion on HOW TO handle a request for a recommendation from someone who provokes one of the following thoughts while reading your inbox email:   

  •                 You didn’t speak to me when we worked together,  why are you asking me for a recommendation?
  •                 You were the biggest jerk in on the team…are you kidding me?
  •                 LOL…Do you REALLY want me to write a recommendation on you as a leader?
  •                 John…John who?

I chose this topic after listening to a client of mine vent her frustrations.

“Can you believe XYZ asked me for a recommendation?” 

My reply, “Yes…actually I can.  I believe just about anything these days.”  

In this particular situation, the requester did not speak to my client, wildly tried to cause political havoc, and was a litigious nightmare. 

 Turning Down a Linkedin.com Request for a Recommendation

Listed below is the most basic and effective method of managing the unwelcome request.   

Two step approach:

  1.                 Be honest
  2.                 Keep your response simple

Sample: 

At this time, I do not think we worked together long enough for me to name your strengths, capabilities, and work ethic.  Wishing you success! 

 OR

While I would like to be able to write a recommendation for you, I do not think I am the best person for this request.  All the best!

Why Write a Response?

Offering an honest response is both beneficial to the requester (even if they are off of the mark) and to you.  You are developing your confrontation skills in a healthy manner which will only help you in the long run.  This will also help you establish healthy boundaries which are important to your credibility and professional brand.

If these reasons alone do not inspire you to take the high road, remind yourself that writing a response also lets the person know that “just is not that into him/her”.

Hello there! Firstly i just wanted to say i’m very excited to be writing on womenonbusiness.com. This will be my first post.  I love debates and interactions, so if you have anything to say, about my style of writing to the points i have put across, feel free to comment!

so here we go….

Due to stereotypes and years of oppression, some women still have a difficult time being assertive without coming across too over-bearing at work.  Moving over too much in the other direction, they often let themselves get walked over.  Women have shown themselves to be as good as men when it comes down to getting work done.  But even now, we can have a tough time getting stuff done by other people for us.  If you are not happy with the quality or time delivery of work you are assigning to people who work for you, consider the following tips (they may seem simple – but you’d be suprised at how often they are overlooked!):

  1. When you give somebody an assignment, be as clear as possible as to what you expect back.  An example of a similar document is necessary for something that the worker has never produced for you before.
  2. Specify when you want to see the outline, the draft, and the final copy.  Make sure you get buy in from the other person on whether they can make those dates.  Pulling dates out of the air is a good way to make sure stuff does not get done in time.
  3. Break down deliverables into small assignments.  Depending on your relationship with the worker, you may want to see daily results at first until they can show themselves to be trustworthy with longer assignments.
  4. Do not push back delivery dates unless you believe that the person has a legitimate reason for not making their dates.  Stress that you really need the documents when you and that person agreed on the delivery dates.  Accept the work but make sure the person understands that the delivery is late and could impact other deliverables.
  5. Do not sweat the small stuff.  While everything delivered needs to meet quality standards, consider that sometimes a product needs to be good enough.  Just because somebody working for you does not word a document exactly how you would document it, does not mean that you need to send it back with edits.  As long as the document generally says what it needs to, let it be.
  6. Regarding small edits, just do them yourself.  It will take longer for you to write down what you need to be done and communicate what you need to be done then if you just did them yourself.  Do a comparison for yourself until you get the hang of what you need to push back and what you should just do yourself.
  7. Regarding status updates, a weekly meeting is fine and quick morning conference call are acceptable as well.  If you are already talking to the person on a daily basis, there is no reason to send out additional status emails other than to follow through on a conversation.  What ends up happening is that people end up having more meetings and phone calls and emails about doing work than actually doing work.
  8. Following through on meetings and phone calls is a very good way to get others to realize that you are serious about getting stuff done.  For example, you could send out a reminder after the meeting, “Per our morning meeting or conference call, you stated that you are XX percent done with the draft and plan to provide me with a final copy by the end of business today.  If this is not your understanding or anything comes up that may impact our schedule, please let me know.”
  9. If you are concerned that your work is not getting the priority it needs or deserves, do a walk-by.  Too many people in management positions build an imaginary wall between themselves and the people who work for them.  You might want to limit how many drinks you have with them after work, but certainly get comfortable with walking around and physically checking up on people, especially when they do not expect it.  Do not make this a scheduled routine.  Vary your visit times.  Don’t make it look official, more like a “checking to see how you’re doing” type thing.
  10. Check the status of documents first thing in the morning and before you leave at night if you were expecting deliverables.  If you do not receive what you were expecting, send out a quick email following through.  Do not threaten.  Just persist.  Persistence is usually enough to make people feel uncomfortable when they are sitting on a deliverable.

I hope that you will see that while it takes more work up front to be assertive when delegating work, it will pay off when deadlines come around.