Archive for Recognition
Women Leaders and Male Partnership
Posted by: | CommentsIn any learning process, there is a tendency to go to extremes before finding middle ground. Take driving, for example. Most teens start by driving very, very slowly, learning when to accelerate and when to put the brakes on. Then there is a time when we all want to experiment with speed, until either fender hits fender, or a ticket is handed by an unsmiling policeman.
Most of us then find the safe space of the middle ground where fast and slow are dependent on the territory.
So it is with all relationships. Sometimes a hug is perfectly timed, in other situations a metaphorical “right to the jaw” is called for. In all partnerships, all life happenings, it is all in the timing.
Margaret Thatcher was a woman leader who had a great sense of timing. She was strong and gracious. She entered the territory of male domination early on and set the stage for women to follow, to learn the art of push and pull.
I am reminded of a Margaret Thatcher story: she was disappointed with her cabinet, one she felt was weak and unwilling to take stands. Her frustration came out at a dinner, so it has been told, when the waiter taking meal orders asked her “Chicken or Steak” to which she replied “Steak please”. Next question was “And what about the vegetables”. She looked up and said “Oh, they will have steak also”.
We are now in an era where the fine art of timing is even more important because the world is moving so fast. There is not the luxury to ponder, to hesitate. As women, we need to become experts in timing, when to hug and when to hit.
Patterns of behavior handed from generation to generation have kept many women in the “hug” category. Often, the extreme of “hit” has been indiscriminate. This is a major learning process for men as well as women, and what we can learn from leaders like Margaret Thatcher is not so much about policy perspectives as about the push and pull of power.
The most important learning for leaders is how to find that magic balance.
Maybe We Really Have Changed
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was very conscious of role changes yesterday. First, my husband and I needed to get some basics for our new home in Sonoma County California. We were running late and made a last stop at the closest Costco. The Super Bowl had started about ten minutes before and as Saints fans, we wanted to get home to cheer this special team to success.
I stopped at the bank of televisions and became engrossed with the game and stood there with a few guys who had pulled up chairs and obviously planned to make an afternoon of it.
My husband, a macho kind of male, said he would get the items we needed including an ironing board and dish drainer for the kitchen. He suggested I pull up a chair. I did. And the men, without blinking an eye, included me in their conversation about strategy.
I must admit, I am a superficial fan of the game and it only peaks my attention when there is a story like the New Orleans team that has captured the imagination of the whole country. I was in the French Quarter several weeks ago when the Saints won the right to be in the Super Bowl and it was, so I heard, even better than Mardi Gras.
We returned home in time for the end of the game, and that is when I thought maybe, just maybe, the balance between men and women is really changing.
For me, the best part of the post game hoopla was watching the Saints quarterback, Drew Brees holding his year old son. That was not so unusual.
What really impacted me was the way he was holding and kissing him. In the midst of the tumult, in the midst of his major success, it was obvious he was so focused on his son with the overtly expressed love usually reserved for a mother and a child.
I will take the images of today, a husband who changed places and bought the dish drainer while his wife was engrossed in football, a group of men, strangers, who included that woman in their discussion, and a football hero kissing his son with a gentle delight.
And coupled with my memories of being in New Orleans three weeks after hurricane Katrina to help with the recovery efforts, seeing the scenes of the fun and liveliness back in that city, it feels like change is in the air everywhere.
Leadership and a Cup of Tea
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The next six weeks of winter are the challenging ones with the flu, colds, and general challenges for all of us until those first green shoots of spring brighten the day.
A vital question for all of us, and especially women in business who tend to be caretakers and pleasers is “What do you do to renew your spirit?” I’d love to hear responses that can give all of us some new ideas or even underline what we already know. Some I’ve asked say a long soak in a tub at night helps, others are runners and bikers, still others put on hot music, close the door and dance till they fall in a heap on the floor.
The New England Journal of Medicine found that those who engaged in social dancing at least several times a week had a 76 percent lower risk of dementia than those who did not. So, find a partner and get to it!
For me a cup of tea is a powerful stress reliever. A recent study in Britain had groups either drink water or tea and then were measured on stress related tests. Those who had a warm cup of tea were less prone to give in to anxiety than those who merely drank a glass of water.
The research indicated that drinking tea was less about the nutritional value and more about being part of a long standing ritual, thousands of years old. Interesting thought; I know when I take a cup of tea in my hands the first sip makes me feel calm and surprisingly content.
Years ago my husband and I were fortunate enough to travel to China with Zen Master Thich Nhat Hahn who was being permitted to bring his Buddhist teachings to the people in Beijing and various outer monasteries. One of the most endearing memories I harbor was sitting on the floor of the airport waiting for a flight between cities. We were all tired and the tendency was to be crabby and complain.
Instead, we all sat in small groups, all 180 of us and sipped tea. We cradled the cups like precious bowls, modeling the way this beautiful Zen Master sat; calm and still. The Vietnamese name for teacher is Thay, and that moment of having “Tea with Thay” is still comforting when the business of the day begins to overtake me.
Leadership is about being a model of behaving in ways that create cooperation and collaboration. Please share some of your best practices for reducing stress and renewing your spirit. We can all learn from each other while waiting for spring.
Leadership Partnership and Business Possibilities
Posted by: | CommentsClearing out the old to make way for the new is a wonderful practice as we enter a new year. This time, as we graduate into a new decade, the teen years of the century, we have an amazing opportunity to find a better balance and create a different kind of partnership between men and women.
I believe that female leaders in the work world can lead the way in positive and exciting ways. It struck me, and with pride, I acknowledged our successes to date. While we have a rocky road ahead, any transformation worth its weight means twists and turns and boulders to be confronted. Yet, if we stay centered with our eyes on the goal of male/female partnership, we can and will change the world for the better.
Here is what happened as I dove into some dusty, old boxes. I found a journal, like really old. One my daughter wrote as a teenager. I did call and ask permission to read before I sent it to her in San Francisco. I remember learning my lesson about snooping a long time ago!
She is now married with two children. After balancing work and kids, she made the decision to close her business and be a stay-at-home mom till they were “launched”. That meant two years at home and I believe it was in part a reaction to the fact that I never stopped my career when she and her sister were little.
She is now ready to re-enter the work force and is keeping all options open. That means changes on the home front. I have watched as she and her husband have negotiated the unavoidable – the car pools, doctor’s visits, and yes, even folding the laundry. It will get more intense, and so what!
Now back to her journal. What struck me was the tone of her teen writing. I was surprised that there was so much of the old model from my own adolescence. There was still a quality of letting the male take the lead, of waiting for the phone to ring, of obsessing over the extra few pounds.
That was twenty plus years ago. I asked her what has changed. She seems much more willing to say her piece, to stand her ground. Here is what she said, “The great things you and your female colleagues did to stand up against “second class citizenship” for women both at home and at work really did rub off. I don’t worry about my daughter growing up with limited choices. I do also want her to see parents who talk about what is fair. That is what was missing from your generation”.
I agree. We are entering a time when one key is adaptation. New models of what it means to be a female and what it means to be a male are emerging. How are we going to create the dialogues that will lead to integrated ways of working and playing together? Can football and beer survive? Can frilly clothing and spa days survive?
The other side of adaptation is resistance. How many Dr. Laura’s will be needed to beat down the intended changes? How must the media rethink its role in selling the old stereotypes? We need some educated discussions about “Mad Men” and what we can learn from those days. What my daughter said is what the world needs now, enhanced discussions about fairness and partnership as we all walk the rocky, winding road of this teen decade.
