She got on the elevator in her full length mink coat. She had a Gucci scarf around her neck. Almost six feet tall and model skinny she looked ready to pose for Vogue.
She smiled at the other tenants of this posh New York condo, all ready to brave the streets of Manhattan. They returned her smile. No one said anything yet wondering why she was wearing a fur coat in the heat of August.
Her name was Ruth and she was a senior V.P. of a major insurance company. She worked really, really hard; her income was well deserved. She had been groomed from childhood to excel. Her single mother worked three jobs so Ruth could attend a private school and get into whatever top university she wanted.
So what was she doing walking to work in the stale, lifeless air of summer in that coat meant to keep her warm in winter? The answer is in the next paragraph.
She walked into the CEO’s office. He had been her best champion, the one who paved the way for her to get to the top. She held the coat close as she entered his posh private quarters. He smiled the same type of smile she had seen on the elevator, a kind of “What the heck is going on” smile.
He asked if he could take her coat. She pulled it tighter and stood for a moment before she blurted out “If you really want me to I will take off my coat. Just be forewarned, I’m stark naked, so what do you want me to do?”
With the help of time and tea she blurted out the story: she had been on the verge of leaving her position for months. She was coming unglued as he could see, wrapping the coat even closer to her bare body. What should be a quest for constant self-growth, for leadership development, had turned into an obsession for perfection.
She wiped a few tears that escaped her steel composure, finally let out a deep, from the gut sigh and said “I think I am driving myself crazy being not just excellent, being beyond a super achiever.”
That began my coaching journey with Ruth to help untie the knots that had formed into a big ball of anxiety that was about to pop.
Here are several of the ideas we tackled: the fear of being ordinary, the guilt that she was not happy while “having it all”, the sense of depression that nothing was ever enough.
Years later Ruth is still successful, only in a different way. No longer proving her worth through status she has created a team to work together and what a relief to not have to have all the answers.
Sylvia Lafair
Sylvia Lafair, PhD, is President of CEO – Creative Energy Options, Inc., a global consulting company focused on optimizing workplace relationships through her exclusive PatternAware™ Leadership Model. Dr. Lafair is the author of Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns That Limit Success published by Jossey-Bass. As an executive coach and leadership educator, she has more than 30 years of experience with all levels of management from leading corporate officers of global companies to executives of non-profits and owners of leading family-owned businesses. She is now offering GUTSY Women Weekends, giving women the opportunity to dialogue and clarify next steps.
Follow Me:
Loved this story! However, as a person who believes that we must never check our individuality at the door — I really have a gut wrenching ‘disklike’ for the name of Ms. LaFair’s book. As a matter of fact — if you can bring ‘it’ to work — where might one bring ‘it’? Ah yes, to the counselor’s couch! Yes, let’s deny who we are in order to gain access to the executive suite. No thanks! I’ll find leadership elsewhere — in my own company, on my own terms. And, there are many men who will back me up on this one!
p.s. I haven’t read the book — so yes — technically I have no right to comment……its just that title….sheeeesh!
Got to love the typos! Sorry about that. Meant to type:
“dislike” not “disklike”
and “if you can’t bring ‘it’ to work — not “can” bring ‘it’ to work.
Yikes…..apologizes.
Patty
Hi Patty,
The “Don’t Bring It to Work” refers to old, ingrained patterns from childhood that get in the way of optimum success. These “its” actually limit individuality. Here is how “it” works. When stress hits the hot button we are all prone to revert to patterns that were there as children to help us survive and hopefully be safe. These patterns show up when we are anxious and unsure; they are better off being transformed which is the “meat’ of the book. I have a sense you would really like it once you see it fosters individuality and creativity, not diminishes it.
Hope this helps.
Best,
Sylvia
A great story. Reinforces what we say http://www.ceowomensclub.com/categories/Videos-Successful-Business-Women and illustrate about it is better to create your own fit versus trying to fit into someone else’s version of what’s right for you. It also reinforces our search for meaning and getting satisfaction and growth out of our work