Archive for Women On Business Roundtable
Women Leadership and Mad Men
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Some revolutions are bloody, and some are flash-in-the-pan moments.
The women’s movement began quietly with a book “The Feminine Mystique”, moved to bra burning, and gained traction with consciousness raising groups.
All of that seems like it was centuries ago.
We now head large organizations, are in key positions in government, and have a say in just about everything. Yet some of the pleaser and martyr behavior patterns that were handed from generation to generation are still dying a slow death.
Just watch “Mad Men” and remember how it was. You worked if you typed and delivered. No not ideas – merely the coffee to the men. While much has changed, there is more work to be done.
This is a year of both celebrating change and dialoguing about what still needs to change. CELEBRATION: in the next few months women will cross the threshold and become the majority workers in America. CELEBRATION: women professionals are in the majority in this country. CELEBRATION: women have become economically powerful in their own right.
What is the next phase of the revolution toward equality, and even beyond that, toward partnership?
Perhaps we need to regroup and create consciousness-raising groups that mirror the 60’s. Maybe this time it needs to include both men and women. While we need to celebrate the successes, we really need to ask the hard questions that remain unanswered for ourselves, our children, and even our grandchildren.
My daughters are grown, and I am now watching the dilemmas and concerns about what it means to raise children in a world that is going at warp-speed. What does it mean to run a business, run a household, and still have time for the kids?
I believe the dialogues of today are around the unfinished business of the past. The issues are around motherhood, and fatherhood. The issues at the deepest level are about the children. If we have them, then who raises them? What kind of support is needed to bring out the best in the next generation?
This is where the pleaser and martyr patterns of the past, so deep in the neuropsychology of most women, kick in. Women still appear to be the ones who make the plans for the youngsters, take off the time if they are sick, and worry about grades, friends and drugs. Sure, dads are included, yet it still seems that mothers are carrying the heaviest part of the load. That has not really changed.
I am not suggesting we demand that our men vacuum and make the oatmeal. That discussion belongs to each couple to sort out. I am thinking way bigger than that. I am wondering if we can look at the countries that have offered families more help, looking especially at Norway and Sweden.
What do we need to do to change, so the next generations grow to be the best they can be? When do we as women take the pleaser and martyr parts of our personalities and transform them into their positive opposites – the truth teller and the integrator? What are the questions that need to be asked to sort out the dilemma of what we can do, what our businesses can do, and what government can do?
I’d love to hear from you with ideas about creating life-enhancing programs that can deter so many of the social problems connected with the new world of work we have helped create, and the burdens of parenting at every level of our society.
Let’s start a 21st Century rendition of consciousness-raising, and keep the revolution for healthy and balanced evolution at the forefront of our lives.
Leadership Lessons: I’d Rather Be a Whale
Posted by: | CommentsPart of leadership, especially women, is to be a voice for separating the wheat from the chaff. It is time for all of us as women leaders to put a halt to the binding messages we are bombarded with about image. No, I don’t mean we should all state that overweight is better, I mean we need to begin to question what is being fed to us (sorry for the pun) about what is the standard for the acceptable and attractive woman. It is a legacy issue that if addressed now will have a vast impact on our daughters (and they are all our daughters regardless of who birthed them) of the future.
Nancy Pennebaker, a senior consultant with our organization, Creative Energy Options, Inc. (CEO) sent this to me for both the humor and the depth of the message. Our company motto, “we are all connected and no one wins unless we all do”, is embedded in the following short article. It shows that this issue of image is one that is a world issue.
Notice that the sign in the window of an exercise studio and the answer are from France, where the image of gorgeous models in clothes by Yves St. Laurent, Chanel et a.l became the standard of beauty.
This is a time for us to say what really matters and stand for changes, so that the future is not trapped in the girdles of the past.
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“This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?” A middle-aged woman, To Whom It May Concern, Mermaids don’t exist. The choice is perfectly clear to me: P.S. We are in an age |
Women and Men: Different Perspectives
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We really are different. Our brains are different, as well as the outlook on what is important. I believe we can help each other see new and critical points of view. I also believe we need to give each other space to be ourselves.
Often the best way to say “vive la difference” is through humor. Stephen Kapustin, a lawyer in Philadelphia is a graduate of our Total Leadership Connections program. He is a seeker of truth through humor, and has sent me so many funny articles to get my laughter valve open on many a dreary day.
The following has so many elements of deep truth. Women love to explore the emotions of a situation, while many men want to get to the solution quickly and move on. Let me know if your male business partners remind you of this guy. I must admit that my business partner, who is also my husband, would respond like the man in the column.
In fact, when I showed this to Herb, he looked at me and said “So, what’s funny about that?” What answer would you give to that question???
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Leadership and a Cup of Tea
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The next six weeks of winter are the challenging ones with the flu, colds, and general challenges for all of us until those first green shoots of spring brighten the day.
A vital question for all of us, and especially women in business who tend to be caretakers and pleasers is “What do you do to renew your spirit?” I’d love to hear responses that can give all of us some new ideas or even underline what we already know. Some I’ve asked say a long soak in a tub at night helps, others are runners and bikers, still others put on hot music, close the door and dance till they fall in a heap on the floor.
The New England Journal of Medicine found that those who engaged in social dancing at least several times a week had a 76 percent lower risk of dementia than those who did not. So, find a partner and get to it!
For me a cup of tea is a powerful stress reliever. A recent study in Britain had groups either drink water or tea and then were measured on stress related tests. Those who had a warm cup of tea were less prone to give in to anxiety than those who merely drank a glass of water.
The research indicated that drinking tea was less about the nutritional value and more about being part of a long standing ritual, thousands of years old. Interesting thought; I know when I take a cup of tea in my hands the first sip makes me feel calm and surprisingly content.
Years ago my husband and I were fortunate enough to travel to China with Zen Master Thich Nhat Hahn who was being permitted to bring his Buddhist teachings to the people in Beijing and various outer monasteries. One of the most endearing memories I harbor was sitting on the floor of the airport waiting for a flight between cities. We were all tired and the tendency was to be crabby and complain.
Instead, we all sat in small groups, all 180 of us and sipped tea. We cradled the cups like precious bowls, modeling the way this beautiful Zen Master sat; calm and still. The Vietnamese name for teacher is Thay, and that moment of having “Tea with Thay” is still comforting when the business of the day begins to overtake me.
Leadership is about being a model of behaving in ways that create cooperation and collaboration. Please share some of your best practices for reducing stress and renewing your spirit. We can all learn from each other while waiting for spring.
Healthcare and Women
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One of the most well-run and informative meetings I went to last year was the HBA conference in San Francisco. The Healthcare Businesswomen Association is a class act.
What impressed me was the juggling act done to show the strong side of women in a mostly male dominated industry, as well as the feminine side that we, as women, need to maintain for our own sanity.
The women who represented the major pharmaceutical and biotech companies were key players, with long resumes down to the newbies just starting out. There was a sense of “we’re all in it together”, a desire to mentor and an equal desire to learn from the “elders’.
At one point, I stood on the side watching the buffet lunch line take shape and loved the musical sounds of people connecting with each other. The male manager of the hotel happened to stop next to me and we had a brief conversation. I was curious, so I asked what was it like to be surrounded by 800 women? His answer was telling. He said there was something different than many past meetings he had witnessed. He was not sure he could name the difference. I urged him to give it a shot.
“Well, for one thing” he began tentatively, “these women seem to really like each other”. He stopped to analyze his statement. I prodded with “How can you tell?” and he continued, almost in a stream of consciousness, “not sure….I always see women as one upping each other…..looking at what they are wearing and talking about that or where they got the dress or shoes….these women…..they seem focused on wanting to make a difference ….I don’t mean to listen in, yet can’t help hearing them…..they are talking about not just healthcare in general…..they are really talking about how to make their work settings better for everyone…. I even stopped in yesterday morning and there was session about how to develop trust at work…. They were in small groups and they were really working the issue, not just giving it lip service….I thought about it last night, women are really making a difference in the workplace and somehow, I just saw the power of what they, you, all can bring to the table from a deeper perspective.”
He stopped, embarrassed and excused himself to check on the wait staff. I saw him later and he waved, still embarrassed by the amount of self disclosure. He made sure not to get too near, for I might ask another open-ended question that would get him going again.
I thought about this male perspective in a women’s conference. There were a few men in attendance, certainly no more than a dozen at most, and I hoped they had a similar experience. We have come a long way and we certainly are on the road for bringing trust into the work setting as well as compassion and a sense of camaraderie. As women, we excel at relationships and mentoring and we can be partners to help our male colleagues pay attention to and benefit from our natural abilities.
Leadership Partnership and Business Possibilities
Posted by: | CommentsClearing out the old to make way for the new is a wonderful practice as we enter a new year. This time, as we graduate into a new decade, the teen years of the century, we have an amazing opportunity to find a better balance and create a different kind of partnership between men and women.
I believe that female leaders in the work world can lead the way in positive and exciting ways. It struck me, and with pride, I acknowledged our successes to date. While we have a rocky road ahead, any transformation worth its weight means twists and turns and boulders to be confronted. Yet, if we stay centered with our eyes on the goal of male/female partnership, we can and will change the world for the better.
Here is what happened as I dove into some dusty, old boxes. I found a journal, like really old. One my daughter wrote as a teenager. I did call and ask permission to read before I sent it to her in San Francisco. I remember learning my lesson about snooping a long time ago!
She is now married with two children. After balancing work and kids, she made the decision to close her business and be a stay-at-home mom till they were “launched”. That meant two years at home and I believe it was in part a reaction to the fact that I never stopped my career when she and her sister were little.
She is now ready to re-enter the work force and is keeping all options open. That means changes on the home front. I have watched as she and her husband have negotiated the unavoidable – the car pools, doctor’s visits, and yes, even folding the laundry. It will get more intense, and so what!
Now back to her journal. What struck me was the tone of her teen writing. I was surprised that there was so much of the old model from my own adolescence. There was still a quality of letting the male take the lead, of waiting for the phone to ring, of obsessing over the extra few pounds.
That was twenty plus years ago. I asked her what has changed. She seems much more willing to say her piece, to stand her ground. Here is what she said, “The great things you and your female colleagues did to stand up against “second class citizenship” for women both at home and at work really did rub off. I don’t worry about my daughter growing up with limited choices. I do also want her to see parents who talk about what is fair. That is what was missing from your generation”.
I agree. We are entering a time when one key is adaptation. New models of what it means to be a female and what it means to be a male are emerging. How are we going to create the dialogues that will lead to integrated ways of working and playing together? Can football and beer survive? Can frilly clothing and spa days survive?
The other side of adaptation is resistance. How many Dr. Laura’s will be needed to beat down the intended changes? How must the media rethink its role in selling the old stereotypes? We need some educated discussions about “Mad Men” and what we can learn from those days. What my daughter said is what the world needs now, enhanced discussions about fairness and partnership as we all walk the rocky, winding road of this teen decade.
