Archive for Ethics
Women Leaders and Male Partnership
Posted by: | CommentsIn any learning process, there is a tendency to go to extremes before finding middle ground. Take driving, for example. Most teens start by driving very, very slowly, learning when to accelerate and when to put the brakes on. Then there is a time when we all want to experiment with speed, until either fender hits fender, or a ticket is handed by an unsmiling policeman.
Most of us then find the safe space of the middle ground where fast and slow are dependent on the territory.
So it is with all relationships. Sometimes a hug is perfectly timed, in other situations a metaphorical “right to the jaw” is called for. In all partnerships, all life happenings, it is all in the timing.
Margaret Thatcher was a woman leader who had a great sense of timing. She was strong and gracious. She entered the territory of male domination early on and set the stage for women to follow, to learn the art of push and pull.
I am reminded of a Margaret Thatcher story: she was disappointed with her cabinet, one she felt was weak and unwilling to take stands. Her frustration came out at a dinner, so it has been told, when the waiter taking meal orders asked her “Chicken or Steak” to which she replied “Steak please”. Next question was “And what about the vegetables”. She looked up and said “Oh, they will have steak also”.
We are now in an era where the fine art of timing is even more important because the world is moving so fast. There is not the luxury to ponder, to hesitate. As women, we need to become experts in timing, when to hug and when to hit.
Patterns of behavior handed from generation to generation have kept many women in the “hug” category. Often, the extreme of “hit” has been indiscriminate. This is a major learning process for men as well as women, and what we can learn from leaders like Margaret Thatcher is not so much about policy perspectives as about the push and pull of power.
The most important learning for leaders is how to find that magic balance.
Work for a Jerk?
Posted by: | CommentsAt one point or another, we have all worked for a jerk. Trending analysis, client feedback and underground communication clearly indicate that mismanaged employees and boundary violations are on the rise. Managing through tough times and poor leaders is often time more difficult than the work itself. Poor leadership can range from an immediate supervisor to poor HR leadership. Noone is exempt.
Taking charge of your career and disengaging from negative forces, including a jerk of a boss is within your reach. As a Career Strategist with an organic and practiced track record of problem solving, I am focusing this weeks blog on the employee relations aspect of managing poor leadership, self preservation and maintaining your sanity.
5 Strategies to Activate NOW
#1 Document…Document…Document
Venting is short lived whereas documenting is soothing, has long range positive effects and will set you up for a chronicle of events if you need to take legal action.. Hand write your discontent in a strategy journal. This is a journal specifically dedicated to you, your work, your accomplishments and your discontent. Keep it is a safe place and use it daily. Date, time stamp and openly journal details of what is occurring. Always be sure to credit yourself for one or two accomplishments per writing. When leadership is lacking, you need to start truly leading yourself. This means crediting your daily accomplishments and cheering for yourself!
#2 Keep the Personal Out of Professional
Remind yourself that you accepted your position to offer professional skills in lieu of pay. That is it! Nothing more! While it is a bonus if you make a friend or two in the workplace, your primary focus must be on your skills and honing them. If you have a jerk as a boss or a leader who leads you to feel uncomfortable, steer clear. You are under no obligation to take part. If you think you can out maneuver the person…perhaps you can but you will be far better served if you develop a strategy focusing on your accomplishments and becoming successful than trying to “play the game”.
#3 Remove Fear from your Vocabulary
There is a reason the famous quote “there is nothing to fear but fear itself” has stood the test of time. Use it. Get out from behind your fears and exercise your courage. This does not mean randomly acting out, but rather, put a plan in place on making your move to either sustain the existing workplace dysfunction OR exit the company. Planning your work and working your plan is powerful. Have dedicated hobbies outside of work. This will give you something positive and productive to look forward to and feed your focus on you.
#4 Stop living above your means NOW
If you cannot quit your job due to financial restraints, start cutting back on your luxury spending and live beneath your means. Start paying yourself first by banking as much as you can. Make a game out of stashing away extra money. You will gain power over yourself which will bring a heightened sense of confidence into the workplace. Your boss may be curious about seeing a change in your however, never needs to know why the change. Remember Rule #2??? Keep personal to yourself.
#5 Take Action.
If you have been spoken to inappropriately, asked to divulge personal information, felt emotionally violated to the point of crying or coerced to conform in what may be perceived as a borderline “touchy feely, cultish” environment, stand your ground and exercise your voice. The EEOC is always available to file charges especially if on the job allegations are not being dealt with. Environmental harassment is NEVER ok. Once you speak up, you are protected by the law from any further wrongdoing. Get Moving!
For more information: www.eeoc.gov.
Leadership Lessons: I’d Rather Be a Whale
Posted by: | CommentsPart of leadership, especially women, is to be a voice for separating the wheat from the chaff. It is time for all of us as women leaders to put a halt to the binding messages we are bombarded with about image. No, I don’t mean we should all state that overweight is better, I mean we need to begin to question what is being fed to us (sorry for the pun) about what is the standard for the acceptable and attractive woman. It is a legacy issue that if addressed now will have a vast impact on our daughters (and they are all our daughters regardless of who birthed them) of the future.
Nancy Pennebaker, a senior consultant with our organization, Creative Energy Options, Inc. (CEO) sent this to me for both the humor and the depth of the message. Our company motto, “we are all connected and no one wins unless we all do”, is embedded in the following short article. It shows that this issue of image is one that is a world issue.
Notice that the sign in the window of an exercise studio and the answer are from France, where the image of gorgeous models in clothes by Yves St. Laurent, Chanel et a.l became the standard of beauty.
This is a time for us to say what really matters and stand for changes, so that the future is not trapped in the girdles of the past.
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“This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?” A middle-aged woman, To Whom It May Concern, Mermaids don’t exist. The choice is perfectly clear to me: P.S. We are in an age |
Maybe We Really Have Changed
Posted by: | CommentsI
was very conscious of role changes yesterday. First, my husband and I needed to get some basics for our new home in Sonoma County California. We were running late and made a last stop at the closest Costco. The Super Bowl had started about ten minutes before and as Saints fans, we wanted to get home to cheer this special team to success.
I stopped at the bank of televisions and became engrossed with the game and stood there with a few guys who had pulled up chairs and obviously planned to make an afternoon of it.
My husband, a macho kind of male, said he would get the items we needed including an ironing board and dish drainer for the kitchen. He suggested I pull up a chair. I did. And the men, without blinking an eye, included me in their conversation about strategy.
I must admit, I am a superficial fan of the game and it only peaks my attention when there is a story like the New Orleans team that has captured the imagination of the whole country. I was in the French Quarter several weeks ago when the Saints won the right to be in the Super Bowl and it was, so I heard, even better than Mardi Gras.
We returned home in time for the end of the game, and that is when I thought maybe, just maybe, the balance between men and women is really changing.
For me, the best part of the post game hoopla was watching the Saints quarterback, Drew Brees holding his year old son. That was not so unusual.
What really impacted me was the way he was holding and kissing him. In the midst of the tumult, in the midst of his major success, it was obvious he was so focused on his son with the overtly expressed love usually reserved for a mother and a child.
I will take the images of today, a husband who changed places and bought the dish drainer while his wife was engrossed in football, a group of men, strangers, who included that woman in their discussion, and a football hero kissing his son with a gentle delight.
And coupled with my memories of being in New Orleans three weeks after hurricane Katrina to help with the recovery efforts, seeing the scenes of the fun and liveliness back in that city, it feels like change is in the air everywhere.
Women and Men: Different Perspectives
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We really are different. Our brains are different, as well as the outlook on what is important. I believe we can help each other see new and critical points of view. I also believe we need to give each other space to be ourselves.
Often the best way to say “vive la difference” is through humor. Stephen Kapustin, a lawyer in Philadelphia is a graduate of our Total Leadership Connections program. He is a seeker of truth through humor, and has sent me so many funny articles to get my laughter valve open on many a dreary day.
The following has so many elements of deep truth. Women love to explore the emotions of a situation, while many men want to get to the solution quickly and move on. Let me know if your male business partners remind you of this guy. I must admit that my business partner, who is also my husband, would respond like the man in the column.
In fact, when I showed this to Herb, he looked at me and said “So, what’s funny about that?” What answer would you give to that question???
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Healthcare and Women
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One of the most well-run and informative meetings I went to last year was the HBA conference in San Francisco. The Healthcare Businesswomen Association is a class act.
What impressed me was the juggling act done to show the strong side of women in a mostly male dominated industry, as well as the feminine side that we, as women, need to maintain for our own sanity.
The women who represented the major pharmaceutical and biotech companies were key players, with long resumes down to the newbies just starting out. There was a sense of “we’re all in it together”, a desire to mentor and an equal desire to learn from the “elders’.
At one point, I stood on the side watching the buffet lunch line take shape and loved the musical sounds of people connecting with each other. The male manager of the hotel happened to stop next to me and we had a brief conversation. I was curious, so I asked what was it like to be surrounded by 800 women? His answer was telling. He said there was something different than many past meetings he had witnessed. He was not sure he could name the difference. I urged him to give it a shot.
“Well, for one thing” he began tentatively, “these women seem to really like each other”. He stopped to analyze his statement. I prodded with “How can you tell?” and he continued, almost in a stream of consciousness, “not sure….I always see women as one upping each other…..looking at what they are wearing and talking about that or where they got the dress or shoes….these women…..they seem focused on wanting to make a difference ….I don’t mean to listen in, yet can’t help hearing them…..they are talking about not just healthcare in general…..they are really talking about how to make their work settings better for everyone…. I even stopped in yesterday morning and there was session about how to develop trust at work…. They were in small groups and they were really working the issue, not just giving it lip service….I thought about it last night, women are really making a difference in the workplace and somehow, I just saw the power of what they, you, all can bring to the table from a deeper perspective.”
He stopped, embarrassed and excused himself to check on the wait staff. I saw him later and he waved, still embarrassed by the amount of self disclosure. He made sure not to get too near, for I might ask another open-ended question that would get him going again.
I thought about this male perspective in a women’s conference. There were a few men in attendance, certainly no more than a dozen at most, and I hoped they had a similar experience. We have come a long way and we certainly are on the road for bringing trust into the work setting as well as compassion and a sense of camaraderie. As women, we excel at relationships and mentoring and we can be partners to help our male colleagues pay attention to and benefit from our natural abilities.
