Archive for Work-Home Life
Some revolutions are bloody, and some are flash-in-the-pan moments.
The women’s movement began quietly with a book “The Feminine Mystique”, moved to bra burning, and gained traction with consciousness raising groups.
All of that seems like it was centuries ago.
We now head large organizations, are in key positions in government, and have a say in just about everything. Yet some of the pleaser and martyr behavior patterns that were handed from generation to generation are still dying a slow death.
Just watch “Mad Men” and remember how it was. You worked if you typed and delivered. No not ideas – merely the coffee to the men. While much has changed, there is more work to be done.
This is a year of both celebrating change and dialoguing about what still needs to change. CELEBRATION: in the next few months women will cross the threshold and become the majority workers in America. CELEBRATION: women professionals are in the majority in this country. CELEBRATION: women have become economically powerful in their own right.
What is the next phase of the revolution toward equality, and even beyond that, toward partnership?
Perhaps we need to regroup and create consciousness-raising groups that mirror the 60’s. Maybe this time it needs to include both men and women. While we need to celebrate the successes, we really need to ask the hard questions that remain unanswered for ourselves, our children, and even our grandchildren.
My daughters are grown, and I am now watching the dilemmas and concerns about what it means to raise children in a world that is going at warp-speed. What does it mean to run a business, run a household, and still have time for the kids?
I believe the dialogues of today are around the unfinished business of the past. The issues are around motherhood, and fatherhood. The issues at the deepest level are about the children. If we have them, then who raises them? What kind of support is needed to bring out the best in the next generation?
This is where the pleaser and martyr patterns of the past, so deep in the neuropsychology of most women, kick in. Women still appear to be the ones who make the plans for the youngsters, take off the time if they are sick, and worry about grades, friends and drugs. Sure, dads are included, yet it still seems that mothers are carrying the heaviest part of the load. That has not really changed.
I am not suggesting we demand that our men vacuum and make the oatmeal. That discussion belongs to each couple to sort out. I am thinking way bigger than that. I am wondering if we can look at the countries that have offered families more help, looking especially at Norway and Sweden.
What do we need to do to change, so the next generations grow to be the best they can be? When do we as women take the pleaser and martyr parts of our personalities and transform them into their positive opposites – the truth teller and the integrator? What are the questions that need to be asked to sort out the dilemma of what we can do, what our businesses can do, and what government can do?
I’d love to hear from you with ideas about creating life-enhancing programs that can deter so many of the social problems connected with the new world of work we have helped create, and the burdens of parenting at every level of our society.
Let’s start a 21st Century rendition of consciousness-raising, and keep the revolution for healthy and balanced evolution at the forefront of our lives.
Part of leadership, especially women, is to be a voice for separating the wheat from the chaff. It is time for all of us as women leaders to put a halt to the binding messages we are bombarded with about image. No, I don’t mean we should all state that overweight is better, I mean we need to begin to question what is being fed to us (sorry for the pun) about what is the standard for the acceptable and attractive woman. It is a legacy issue that if addressed now will have a vast impact on our daughters (and they are all our daughters regardless of who birthed them) of the future.
Nancy Pennebaker, a senior consultant with our organization, Creative Energy Options, Inc. (CEO) sent this to me for both the humor and the depth of the message. Our company motto, “we are all connected and no one wins unless we all do”, is embedded in the following short article. It shows that this issue of image is one that is a world issue.
Notice that the sign in the window of an exercise studio and the answer are from France, where the image of gorgeous models in clothes by Yves St. Laurent, Chanel et a.l became the standard of beauty.
This is a time for us to say what really matters and stand for changes, so that the future is not trapped in the girdles of the past.
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 Recently, in a large city in France,
a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.
It said,
“This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”
A middle-aged woman,
whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster,
responded publicly to the question
posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.)
They have an active sex life,
get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins, stuffing themselves with shrimp.
They play and swim in the seas,
seeing wonderful places like Patagonia ,
the Bering Sea
and the coral reefs of Polynesia .
Whales are wonderful singers
and have even recorded CDs.
They are incredible creatures
and virtually have no predators,
other than humans.
They are loved, protected and admired
by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don’t exist.
If they did exist,
they would be lining up outside the offices
of Argentinean psychoanalysts
due to identity crisis. Fish or human?
They don’t have a sex life
because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex?
Just look at them … where is IT?
Therefore, they don’t have kids either.
Not to mention,
who wants to get close to a girl who smells
like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me:
I want to be a whale.
P.S. We are in an age
when media puts into our heads
the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends.
With time, we gain weight
because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads
that when there is no more room,
it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren’t heavy,
we are enormously cultured,
educated and happy.
Beginning today,
when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, ‘Good gosh, look how smart I am!” |
We really are different. Our brains are different, as well as the outlook on what is important. I believe we can help each other see new and critical points of view. I also believe we need to give each other space to be ourselves.
Often the best way to say “vive la difference” is through humor. Stephen Kapustin, a lawyer in Philadelphia is a graduate of our Total Leadership Connections program. He is a seeker of truth through humor, and has sent me so many funny articles to get my laughter valve open on many a dreary day.
The following has so many elements of deep truth. Women love to explore the emotions of a situation, while many men want to get to the solution quickly and move on. Let me know if your male business partners remind you of this guy. I must admit that my business partner, who is also my husband, would respond like the man in the column.
In fact, when I showed this to Herb, he looked at me and said “So, what’s funny about that?” What answer would you give to that question???
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Uncle Sam wants small business entrepreneurs to lead the nation to economic recovery–and has billions of dollars to make it happen. Small business owners are in line to receive low-interest loans and government contracts through the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (ARRA). To secure your little corner of the recovery, you’ll need to be at the right place with the right business plan.
A Roadmap For Recovery
Stimulus dollars are headed toward businesses that support these Recovery Act goals:
- Healthcare: Modernize the healthcare system with electronic medical records systems.
- Energy: Promote solar power, renewable energy, smart grids and develop domestic energy sources
- Green Building: Build energy-efficient homes and public buildings
- Science and Technology: Promote scientific research and innovation
- Transportation: Upgrade the transportation infrastructure with new roads, bridges, and mass transit systems
- Education: Improve public schools and job training
The Recovery Act envisions a smarter, more efficient, more productive future. If your small business plan can move the nation forward, you’re a step closer to winning Uncle Sam’s financing and support.
Ten Best Cities to Stage an Economic Revival
Location is the other piece of the stimulus puzzle. To ensure that funding reflects local priorities, the White House is leaving ground-level decisions to state and local authorities. Winning the funding game is a matter of finding the right combination of business plan and place.
The following cities are leading the economic revival in their recovery sectors:
Washington, D.C
With the highest per capita spending across all industries, Washington, D.C. offers the broadest scope of recovery-funded business opportunities. For funding in education, healthcare, construction, urban development, criminal justice, and the arts, look inside the beltway.
Boston, MA
Innovative entrepreneurs will find fertile ground for their ideas in Boston. Ranking third in Popular Science’s list of ‘America’s Greenest Cities,’ Boston is putting its recovery money toward clean-energy initiatives. Partner with local R&D brainpower to start your own clean-energy venture. Equipment leasing and a government grant can help you secure the lab facilities and scientific talent to get the ball rolling.
Detroit, MI
With the auto industry and heavy manufacturing in decline, Detroit is using its stimulus dollars to combat soaring unemployment. Help the city’s manufacturing workforce transition to the information economy with a placement service. Your federal small business loan can fund a call center and answering service, linking local talent to employers nationwide.
Anchorage, AK
Alaska’s military funding amounts to $313 per person, twice that of the next highest recipient, Hawaii; by contrast, most states spend $20 or less per person on military contracts. Take advantage of the military spending with a civil construction company. Equipment leasing can help you gear up for construction projects on Anchorage’s two active military bases.
Charleston, South Carolina
Charleston, SC is among the nation’s funding leaders for green building ventures. ”Greening” federal buildings is a focus of the recovery effort in hurricane-prone Charleston. A green business specializing in the retrofit of federal buildings has great potential to win Uncle Sam’s support.
Providence, RI
Providence’s major hospitals make the city a hospitable environment for healthcare stimulus funding. Capture those dollars with an electronic medical records business. E-commerce solutions offer a low-cost storefront from which to launch your electronic medical records venture.
New York, NY
With the financial sector reeling, New York is counting on technological innovation to save the day. Specifically, the state is pinning its hopes on small business, with a portion of federal R&D funds “set aside for small business to develop and commercialize innovative technology.” You don’t need to be a scientist to benefit from science money. A content writing service, for example, plays a valuable support role in product development. To get started, market your services online with a SEO friendly Website design.
Cheyenne, WY
Wyoming ranks number one in per-capita stimulus funding for the arts. Set up your own art studio in Wyoming’s art capital, Cheyenne. Then expand your following with a world-class Web design. Internet Marketig tools such as pay-per-click (PPC), social media marekting can help you represent artists from Cheyenne to China.
Jersey City, NJ
New Jersey is putting its money on the state’s public infrastructure, leading the nation in per-capita funding for transportation. Win a highway repaving contract, rent equipment through a leasing program, and play your part in rebuilding the country–one mile at a time.
Jackson, MS
If your specialty is education, head to Jackson, MS. Mississippi is throwing a lifeline to its K-12 education system. Tap into funds earmarked for improving educational standards by setting up a standardized testing service for Jackson’s public schools.
The White House is looking for a few good entrepreneurs to lead the nation out of economic slump. Between expanded Small Business loan programs and Recovery Act contracts, Uncle Sam is there to help your business succeed.
This is a wish for all of us – female, male, young, old, every color and part of the planet. Let’s include the animals, trees, and every living thing.
Women are the leaders in partnership thinking; we learn it from the very beginning of our journey from womb to tomb. We are hard-wired to think about systems and how they fit together. We are internally programmed every month from adolescence to elder years to understand the ebb and flow of life, from the ebb and flow of the months. Each month we are somehow aligned with the moon as we menstruate and continually let go of old matter to make way for the new.
Whether we choose to have biological children or not, we are truly “in the flow” of what nature has prepared for us, to continue to nurture our species. In this decade, where there are so many polarities, so many who stand for right and wrong without even attempting to find a middle ground, it is up to us, the women, to lead the way to partnership.
No, this is not an easy position. It takes real leadership to say “Let’s find another way, a way that will honor all sides”. I do believe we can start with our primary partners, and begin a dialogue that will enhance ourselves and the next generations to come.
The dialogue is what women know – that all things are connected and no one wins unless we all do. This thinking is so basic to our very nature and it is time to take a strong stand that we can, with good will, work together to make real and sustainable change happen on this war-torn and bruised planet.
It’s about you, it’s about me, it’s about time!
Leadership is a front-and-center job. It’s hard to hide, and if you have chosen leadership, why would you even want to be in the background? Yet, there are times we all need a break and even then, even when you are on holiday, you know you are still being judged, worshipped, detested, quoted, ridiculed, respected, and second-guessed. It’s the nature of the position.
Take a few minutes and think back to when your career as a leader started. It certainly began long before you accepted your present position. It may have been when you ran for a class office in junior high, or became the captain of a sports team in high school. Think about what you learned at that juncture about playing to the crowd, perhaps, even the local media, and what it means to maintain authenticity.
Now, look at the mantle of leadership and how well it fits you. Do you find it too loose, too tight or just right? Some of us have to let the seams out and become more forceful, own more of the package. Others need to rein in their authority or are seen as that awful woman in “The Devil Wears Prada”. I don’t really know of any present-day leader of a large company, an entrepreneur endeavor, a project manager, a school official, a government agency head, who tells me they have it “just right”.
It seems all women leaders are searching for the balance between public persona and private person. There are so many expectations about who a leader is – who you are; what a leader should say – what you communicate; how a leader looks – how you dress. Think about the demands and how you feel about the burdens of performing and meeting the expectations set upon you.
Where does the word “authentic” fit into your inner dialogue? From all of my coaching clients, I am aware (as well as in my own inner conversations) that there is a continuous struggle between being someone the world wants and what you know is the right fit for you. It is a constant battle – kind of like that extra ten pounds that are always either obvious or hidden in the background ready to disrupt.
There is an excellent article on Oprah.com, written by Mike Robbins, about the need for recognition and the craving for fame, that has some great insights. Now, I am not suggesting that as a women leader your driving force is to be famous. I am saying that being noticed and critiqued comes with the territory. It is a relationship with employees, customers, community, and often, stakeholders.
Our relationship with positional power is directly related to our sense of personal power.
This is a season of reflection, so take some time to look at the patterns of behavior, the relationship world, that has shaped your ability to be authentic, stand firm and not succumb to the demands of colleagues, community, or critics and be true to yourself. Not an easy task to find the way OUT of old behaviors into new, more effective true-to-yourself reactions. Not easy to go from “too this” or “too that” to “just right”.
Take time to Observe, Understand and then Transform behaviors that are blocking the route to authenticity. One gift I would like to give you is the opportunity to take the pattern aware quiz at www.sylvialafair.com and then have some phone time to assess the results.
The best gift we can give ourselves going into the new decade is the gift of deep diving into our own authenticity and how our presence impacts those we lead.
